2nd February 11
VALERIE P. HINKLE: First person to recite Maya Angelou’s “Phenomenal Woman” at a talent show.
O Fair Valerie: I and the Ancestors salute your strong, too-old-for-talent-show ass self. Ashe.
(Fake) Maya Angelou's Ebony Ruminations
like a poot on a hot summer's day--i rise.
Sweet intrusion!
28th January 11
Whom do you think you are?
Bulbous uninvited guest, wandering in from the night;
From what battlefield do you come?
Weary warrior, O wanderer, drenched in crimson velvet,
Draped in rosy robes,
Dripping with red liquid, sloshing within;
With a battle cry of “Oh, Yeah!” you come without knock,
You entreat without invitation.
Again, I ask—whom do you think you are??
I will tell you what you are:
Delicious! Quenching! On sale, 25 packs for $1!
And also, bold creeper, you are lucky,
For I don’t be allowing just ANYBODY to come busting up in my crib like that,
But because you are the red kind, I will hesitate to go in search of my AK
And, instead, smile.
Libations.
"
Indeed, you are mindful of what this is—
Ebony and amber, ebony and amber,
Ebony and amber, ebony and amber
Indeed! Forsooth, you know of what this is—
Everything I do, I do it large as the regal mountains of Africa;
Verily, shouting with my life breath that this is nothing;
When I emerged from yon lot, that, O friend, is stunting.
27th January 11
The Ever Eloquent King, Wiz Khalifa, “Black and Yellow”
O Mystery Revealed!
27th January 11
Pajama jeans,
O Blanket of softness; mockingbird garment of sapphire hue;
Who knows your secret?
Who may divine that azure truth as you saunter past,
Swaying, smirking, switching amid yonder juke joint;
You are a billboard that screams its advertisement:
“I am woman! Mark my curves cupped ever so tightly, gifts ever so squeezed!”
And there, o textiled magician, is thy secret!
Though you may appear tighter than the drums of mine ancestors,
You are but soft! Flexible! Breathable!
Leaving my cooter free of yeast infections
And me able to drop down and hit mine booty-do with ease
Freedom.
"Big up, big up; it’s a stick up, stick up,
And I shall waylay a brother or sister should they hiccup."
26th January 11
The Illustrious Biggie Smalls
A Poem for Aretha Franklin on the Eve of Her Fall in the Bathtub
3rd August 10
What causes waves to crash upon the shore?
When does the noble apple know that the time has come
To take his life-plunge from branch to the arms of Earth?
None but God in her regal heaven knows;
And maybe, too, is it only God who knows what stars aligned
And sent you, soulful queen, in a melodic tumble from upright to porcelain ground.
Perhaps your voice, heavy with golden tone and feeling,
Grew too great for you to support;
Or perhaps your breasticles have grown too great,
And swung too close to gravity.
None but God in her regal heaven knows.
Ashe.
"Once the tender libation of Remy has been consumed,
One may not forecast whether we shall partake in sweet taboo, or part ways;
This is what mine brothers and sisters ponder.
The blood of a pimp thumps hard within my veins,
Given all by the Ancestors, none by simple relation;
As you pursue yon conquests, young player, I but replace them."
12th July 10
The noble, russet king Jay-Z (anointed also as Hov), “I Just Wanna Love You”
Test me, life! For I am but prepared—
12th July 10
Burden me with your worst, Satan!
Raise yon thermostat, be you bold enough;
Throw at me the heat of a thousand suns,
And stand strong, shall I!
My pores shall not weep, nor shall mine eyes
Fearing the embarrasment of the moist underpits of mine arms,
For I come equipped with the armor of my grandmother
And her grandmother before she:
O Tussy, creamy shield of life,
Old school like the spirituals of my slave mothers,
I celebrate you on this day.
This day, when the heat soars hotter than the block after a hip hop concert,
I leave my house and feel no trepidation,
Though I must say, I don’t appreciate smelling like a rose-scented medicine cabinet.
Please update thy scent.
Ashe.
14th June 10
O fiery flames of my soul;
Bubbling cauldron of last night’s fest of sundry greens and cheeses,
Thou shalt not best me!
For I come equipped with the sweetest weapon,
Cloak of pink kevlar, coat mine chest and stomach with your defenses;
Calm theses stormy gastrointestinal seas
And linger on, that I may eat Sister Jenkins’ macaroni and cheese once more.
Victory.
